Power in relationships

When things need to be improved or altered, it is often the woman who determines that initiative, who brings that idea to her man and provides the momentum to see it through to completion. Think curtains or a new dinner set or a holiday plan or braces for the child and it is likely that the woman has set the plan in motion, seeking some sort of consensus with the man before she takes action.

Of course men and women have any number of arrangements and perhaps all the power lies with her to make these decisions, or perhaps she has no overt power at all but has at her disposal numerous strategies to allow him to understand the wisdom in her idea. We all find our unique way to interact with another in our relationships. Sometimes, we dance in unison and glide through life effortlessly and sometimes all we seem capable of doing is stepping on one another's toes.

It is probably a rare thing for a woman to seek out a conversation with her man where she wants to discuss in detail their dynamic. I tend to think that most people don't give it too much thought, simply doing their best from day to day to be in harmony with this other human being that shares their life and their bed.

A cursory glance at the Internet and other blogs however does suggest that some people take their dynamic very seriously and discuss it in detail with their partner; sometimes coming to a detailed and formal arrangement as to how matters will be resolved. This goes beyond deciding on a budget or who cooks the meals or folds the laundry or puts the garbage out. This sort of arrangement can involve who has control over the other and who does not. Words such as the top and bottom of the relationship may be used.

Whilst this might all sound counter to women's rights, I don't think it can be dismissed that easily. Numerous blogs suggest that this arrangement can provide great sustenance for both partners. I strongly question that it leads to zero conflict but I am open to the idea that it could lead to harmony and contentment.

From what I have read, a commitment by both parties seems to be the vital ingredient. I see advantages for both sides of the partnership equation but only if there is very open communication between the two people about how the other is faring. Inner conflict seems inevitable and that needs to be expressed and sorted out.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely, it is said. I see the main danger of such a formal relationship that a bottom could tend towards co-dependence and a top could tend towards narcissism. Obivously, neither of those outcomes is good. So, I am open to exploring these formal sorts of arrangements with my characters because I think it could make for intriguing interactions. I suspect it is a fascinatingly complex relationship at times and that the people involved are enigmas, which is just how I like my characters!