Traits of men and women

A few years ago amongst a spurt of cleaning up the house I 'let go' 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' by John Gray. I felt I had garnered all that I needed to know from that book, I guess. Or maybe at that point I just rejected the whole idea that there was any great wisdom in that book.

A few months ago I saw a copy of the book in a second hand bookstore for $2 and I bought it back again, so to speak. Perhaps the blogs I have been reading about various relationships had worked a little magic on me; had me reconsidering what I wanted; what I needed to know.

Some of the girls writing about their "submission" sound rather wise to me, in fact. They have developed a style of communication with their "Top" or "Master" or "Sir" or "husband" such that they communicate rather well. The style can be limiting in the sense that they don't get to shout, or speak out of turn or just blurt out their thoughts in a highly emotional way (or so it seems to this observer) but in return for that limit, they get a more harmonious relationship. This is right in line with what John Gray has to say, even though he is not referring to the 'top' or 'bottom' of a relationship but rather the 'man and 'woman' of the relationship. Consider the following example:

He writes on pages 148-149, "Remember, when you offer unsoliticited advice he may feel mistrusted, controlled or rejected." "Remember, when a man becomes stubborn and resists change he is not feeling loved; he is afraid to admit his mistakes for fear of not being loved.""When he feels accepted it is easier for him to listen."

His advice to women is to "share feelings, let him know that you are not trying to tell him what to do but that you want him to take your feelings into consideration." "Relax and surrender. Practice accepting imperfection. Make his feelings more important than perfection and don't lecture or correct him."

Is John Grey trying to say that the best marriages are an agreement to have a 'power exchange' of some sort or is a 'power exchange' relationship just a good marriage/relationship where masculine and feminine traits are allowed full expression?

What it seems to me is that women are asked to exhibit an extra dose of patience and self control here.

Hmmmmm...