Scenes and real life

I have been reading on various sites both men and women talking about "vulnerability". There are differing opinions on this even amongst those who agree that they have a "vulnerability kink". Some women enjoy vulnerability in a "scene" and some men enjoy the fact that the independent woman who is actually confident generally can allow herself to become so vulnerable during play.

Some women are sure of themselves; they look and presumably feel, confident. They are in charge of their lives, their careers and their finances. Yet, alone with a man that same confident woman can turn into a rather helpless soul. I overheard one young man explain how confused he was by his new girlfriend - one minute an assertive and confident woman demanding better service in a restaurant whilst her more relaxed boyfriend sat back and tried his best to ignore her rant, while back at home she altered into a tiny, helpless little girl who seemed bereft of confidence or any notion of what to do without him. He felt sure it wasn't an "act" but that her personality was split in two in some way.

I must say that I can't conceive of a situation where I could split myself in two - be one woman in all situations except a play situation with a man where I allowed myself to become totally vulnerable; helpless. I think I would feel very vulnerable in such a scenario where the man had full control over me. It appeals. But, the idea that this vulnerability would be left at the door when I went home just does not seem plausible. The "vulnerability" is inside me; part of me regardless of the ability to function well in my life.

I am capable of feeling small in such a play scene. I feel sure of it. I am equally capable of feeling vulnerable in any number of situations. For one thing, if I played with someone, I would ponder for a very long time if I meant anything to that person in any way at all. How exactly do you have an intimate experience with someone and not wonder if you left any indelible impression on them?

Perhaps it is just me. Perhaps I feel too much because if you were to ask for words to describe me, 'vulnerable to being hurt' would be some of them, inside a scene or out. And I suspect I am not that unusual but of course, this is mere speculation. Ramblings really.